Peaceful Passing
- March 20, 2006 -
For much of my life, I never had to deal with losing people close to me. Growing up, I went to a lot of wakes and funerals because my church is massive, but I never really knew the people who passed. But since college started, the Lord had flipped my life upside down in every way. (I like to compare myself to Job, just not being as righteous. Pre-2002 everything was going my way, and Post-2002 I started to have trials, struggles, and issues…and I’ve been learning to still lift praises up to God, because He is just that good.)
I think many people consider me very…ummm…stoic when it comes to situations such as death, or hurt, or any sort of sadness. Some might even say that I’m pretty emotionless. I just deal with the issues much differently than most people do, or most people expect. And as I re-evaluate it, I realize more and more my desire to see God’s kingdom expand, and that is how I can be so joyful at times of loss.
The winter of my freshman year of college, my gradfather passed away. It was the day before I had to head back to school, so it was quite an odd time. This was the first real loss for me, and I really wasn’t sure how to react. What got to me, and what always gets to me, is just seeing my dad get choked up. This firm, straight-faced man just couldn’t keep his composure so much because his heart broke for his father. I knew that my grandfather loved the Lord, though. In my few times in India, I never was able to speak to my grandfather because he only spoke malayalam, and I only spoke English. But what I do remember was just that he always was praising God in everything he did. And so when he passed, I knew that he had greater things in store for him, and it brought me joy.
My grandmother followed the same path. This time, it was my mom’s mother, and it hurt me to see my mom so upset. She was able to go to India a few weeks ago to basically say her goodbyes as we knew it was only a matter of time, but you can never be ready for such a loss. Again, my memories of my grandmother was always having family prayer every night. She always was praying, always reading the bible, always saying to thank Jesus…I know where my mom got her heart for the Lord. And again, when I heard my grandmother passed away, there was an initial shock, but again and sort of peace knowing that her heart is finally at home.
Throughout college, more and more people have passed away around me. People that I were friends with, acquaintances with, or just people living in a 5 mile radius of me. And of all the people that have passed, the ones that broke my heart the most were those that did not know Jesus. Especially with people who I’ve interacted with, a part of me feels as if I didn’t use my time wisely in sharing with them the joy I have in Jesus. I realize my emotions rise the highest for those who have no more hope. As long as we have another breath to breathe here on earth, we have a chance to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. But we don’t know how long that time will last. There’s no definite time period that we know of. All we know is we have time now, and before we know it, our time is up. Until that time comes, I praise God for the hope that others still have. I’m pressed to pray more and more that someday…one day…before their time is up, those that haven’t accepted Christ will recognize the truth and accept it for themselves. All I can do is pray. The Lord is sovereign…the Lord is good.
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Leave a Legacy
- March 14, 2006 -
Everyone wants to be known. We all want to be remembered. It might be in different ways depending on our character, but when all is said and done, we want a certain image to be kept of us when someone else thinks about us.
People make quick connections all the time. You hear the name “Michael Jordan” and you think “greatest basketball player to ever put on an NBA jersey.” J.J. Reddick brings thoughts of “pure shooter who doesn’t really do anything else, and therefore will only be a 6th man, at best, in the NBA.” Ghandi and the words “non-violence” are almost synonymous. These people all built up a certain reputation that, regardless of other things that have occurred in their lives, these things will constantly be the staple that people remember.
As I come up on my last moments at U of I, this same thought process comes to me. I’ve interacted with so many different people in so many different ways. And I ask myself, 50 years down the line, if for some reason someone thinks back upon college and comes across a memory of me, what would they think of? I want to be someone who made an impact, someone who really was purposeful in their lives. And I don’t want other characteristics or actions of mine to outshine my ultimate purpose.
David was an interesting character. He was an adulterer, and king, a murderer, a complainer, a whiner. The Psalms are filled with him going back and forth praising God in one chapter, and then complaining to God about the problems he is facing. But even with all of these character flaws, whenever I hear the name David I think, “Man after God’s own heart.” That truly was what he was. In everything he did, he was chasing God, and the whole world saw it. He never feared man, only God. He chose to follow and serve God to the fullest of his capacity.
Reflecting on my life, I wonder how long you’d have to be in a conversation with someone talking about me before they start describing my love for Christ. I feel like people will bring up more a sarcastic tongue, a helpful attitude, a voice of ultimate encouragement, being one of the nicest people they’ve ever met (it’s true, just think about it), and whole lot of other characteristics that define me as a person. And it’s sad, because that just shows how much I’ve drawn the attention of my life onto myself, instead of reflecting it to Christ. One of the worst signposts, ever.
The only thing I can do is continue to strive to live like Christ. By the grace of God, He’ll allow people to see Christ in me. I don’t want my name to be remembered. I don’t want my actions to be regarded as great. I don’t want to leave my own legacy. When people think of me, the first thing I want them to say is simply “That man loved Jesus.” My true identity is a child of God…everything else is just details.
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A Town Called Nain
- March 12, 2006 -
When you are on a college campus, you meet new people all the time. Random people in classes, on the quad, student organizations, group meetings…it’s amazing how many people you interact with. There’s a general 3 questions that are always asked: Name, Year, and Major. If the conversation goes longer than that, there are a couple more questions that come, one commonly being “where are you from?” And it’s crazy how one question can bring such closeness among people.
I’m from Des Plaines, the City of Destiny. If anyone ever says they’re from anywhere near there, we already have this close bond. It’s like we’re family, like we have the same blood running through our systems. We now know each person’s history, what they went through growing up, what they had to overcome.
In the same way, when I’m off campus and I tell someone I go to U of I, you will not believe the connection that comes when you find another U of I student, or more so with an alumn. We all bleed orange and blue. And again the connection is there. there is credibility in what the people say when I hear they walked through the same streets of U of I that I did. Again, we’re family.
In Luke 7:11-17, we see the story of Jesus raising a widow’s son from the dead. The passage starts with “Soon after, Jesus went to a town called Nain…” Can you imagine what its like for someone who lived in Nain to hear that story years later? They might know the family, been around the area, heard of the boy. It could have been that they were out of town that weekend, and then in the news going around they hear “In the town of Nain, and boy has been raised from the dead.” For me, I would normally just read right past that line. If it’s not Judea or Israel or Canaan or one of those places, it normally doesn’t seem like a place that I need to put too much care in thinking about.
But if I were from the town Nain, it would really have caught my attention. I would have been in so much shock, that something like that could happen so close to me. I’ve heard of people dying because of drunk driving my whole life, but only in college when I started to actually know faces and have it happen within a 3 mile radius of where I lived did it truly strike a chord. And every year a college team wins the NCAA tournament, but even though the Illini only made it to the championship game last year, I was on fire for a good 6 months.
It’s encouraging and eye-opening to see the things that occur in the land around you, to people that you know. Hearing people’s testimonies about how the came to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior are always a blessing to for me to hear, but it always means so much more when it’s one of my friends, or someone from my church.
Many times in the gospels, after Jesus had healed people and forgiven them of their sins, they desired to follow Jesus wherever he went and become his disciple. But to many of them, Jesus gave them a different command – he told them to go back to their homes and tell the community that they were healed, and show them the change in their life. We need to be sure to go back to our hometowns, our home churches, our communities, and share with them just how God had healed us. They know us so intimately, knowing our strengths and weaknesses, and that’s what makes the power of God so much more amazing. We can tell someone how bad we once were and then God changed our lives, but it makes a greater impact for someone who truly knew how we once were, and then they are able to see the change. Never forget your home, they can always benefit from hearing of God’s blessings in your life. We all have our own “Nain”…go home and give your community a reason to praise God.
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The Walk Home
- March 11, 2006 -
(Part II of The Prodigal Son Series)
For much of my life (and even now, at times), I think I’ve had a very skewed view of repentance. Not just the idea of it, but the whole process. I feel like I always thought repenting was realizing that you did wrong, confessing it and asking for forgiveness. Later, I thought that repenting needed alot of tears and wailing and weeping and gnashing of teeth. It required a complete change in life. And if you experienced temptation or fell in that area you were struggling in, you probably didn’t really repent. I had this very romantic picture of once you repent, you’d have conquered that sin and be able to roam around freely without any worries of it again. Boy, was I wrong.
Through the parable of the Prodigal Son, Jesus paints an amazing picture of true repentance. The son squandered away everything he had chasing after worldly pleasures. His life was completely flipped upside down, and he realized that life truly was greater when he followed in the ways of his father. This moment is caught in the scene of the son feeding pigs, longing to get even a few pods that the pigs were eating to satisfy his hunger.
Once the son realized his error, he didn’t simply sit in the pigpen, completely distraught over his failure. His recognition of his error brought him to return back to his father and ask to be able to live with him again. And he didn’t send a messenger to his father to tell him that. No, he gained the strength to stand up, leave his filthy lifestyle, and head back home. And when he approached his father, he confessed that he had sinned and that he needed forgiveness. He chose to leave his worldly life for the new lifestyle, not returning back to his old ways. That is true repentance.
One thing I started to think about was the walk he was making back home. The story quickly jumps from him in fields feeding pigs, coming to the realization that he needs to get out, and then being in front of his father. There obviously had to be a period of time when he travelled back home (…vs. 13 says that the son got everything he had and went to a distant country, so whatever travelling he had to do in one direction, he would have to do on the way back). For one, this is alot of time for him to think about the lifestyle he was living, and the idea of changing it. Repentance requires true heart change…sometimes, we truly don’t want to leave the filthy life we are living in, because it’s so much “easier” to stay in sadness than to attempt to attain joy. Repentance is not a quick prayer. It’s something we must wrestle with until we seriously desire to leave the sinful nature and fight against it. By the grace of God you can completely overcome it in moments, but at least from my experience, God trains us to continually press on by needing to really battle ourselves in whether God is our one and only desire.
The other thing that came to me was that I don’t think that the walk back was any different than the first walk away from home. He probably saw the same people he partied with, the same bars he got drunk at, the same places where he felt the great rush from gambling and living on the edge. Those same temptations were still calling out to him. But this time, his eyes were so focused on returning home to his father that he didn’t desire it anymore.
Satan attacks all the more as you get closer and closer to God. He presses you even more in remembering the “good times” you had, having you see your life in its “exciting” moments. The fight to return home is a struggle, a constant fight. But if your eyes are fixed on Christ, you’ll be able to overcome. God is good, God is strong. He WILL help you through. Repentance requires a complete change in lifestyle and change in heart, and it might take longer than you want. But the harder you press, the greater you’ll feel. There is so much better in store for you if you cling to this world with open hands. Keep pressing on…fight the good fight. Your Father is waiting to hold you in His arms.
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Good To The Last Drop
- March 7, 2006 -
(I’m taking a break from the Prodigal Son multi-faceted ultra-amazing specially-blessed posts, to put up a personal blessing.)
\\Stolen from|Inspired by pmin\
Plain and simple, we are sinful beings. From the beginning of time, Adam and Eve ate the fruit, and we all entered a life of sin, separated from God. And the only way we could ever be reunited with God in eternity was to be redeemed by the blood of Christ. So Jesus Christ lived the perfect life on earth, faced and overcame every temptation known to man, and then died on the cross, so that we all could live in eternity with Him. If we believe in our declare with our mouths that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised Christ from the dead, we will be saved. Plain and simple.
The question that comes to mind is, how powerful is Jesus’ blood? How much blood is needed to wash away my sins? First off, we need to stop being so prideful and arrogant. We do this in two ways. One, we act as if our sins really aren’t that big of a deal, and that our good deeds will even out our bad ones. Jesus said that if you have broken one of the laws, you have broken all of them and deserve ultimate death. Although we might see different levels of sins, in God’s eyes, every sin is massive. But then there’s the other form of arrogance and pride: you think you’re sins are too great for God to forgive and redeem you. How weak do you think our God is? Nothing you do will ever be too much that God can’t forgive you. There is nothing that you have done where God looked down in complete surprise and thought, “Whoa, never thought of that one…I wonder if I can forgive that.” We need to have the proper perspective of both our sin and God’s power. Both are extremely huge. Regardless of how great we think we are, the power of sin is so much more powerful than us that there is nothing we can do to overcome our punishment. But the power of God is so much more powerful than the power of sin that there is nothing that God can’t do to redeem us and justify us in His eyes.
Back to the question, how much blood is needed to wash away my sins? Well, plain and simple…one drop. One drop was more than enough because there is just so much power in it. Every person that has every walked the earth, every person that ever will walk the earth, and for every sin, big or little in our eyes, that man has ever created, one drop was more than enough to cover it all. That’s how powerful my God is.
That being the case, if I were Jesus, the whole “Passion” would have looked a whole lot different. I’d probably keep most of the gospel story the same for dramatic effect, but I think I’d change the ending. Like, I’d be in the garden praying with Peter, James and John, and then Judas would come with all the soldiers to kill me. At that moment, I’d quickly grab a pin, prick my finger, let a drop fall on the ground and scream out “IT IS FINISHED!”. Then I’d rise into the clouds and chill with God until it was time for the second coming.
But God didn’t go that route. God knew how illogical we are. Although one drop was more than enough, He made sure that we wouldn’t miss out on it. We might think that if there was only one drop, what if I don’t get touched by it? One drop is pretty small. So instead of just letting there be one drop, for our sake God opened up the floodgates and let the blood of Christ overflow. You might think you can dodge a drop, but stand in a flood and try not to touch the water…impossible, I tell you. There’s grace right there.
God goes above and beyond the bare minimum for our sake. He always gives us more than we need, more than we deserve. If we had the vision and understanding of God, we’d know the exact amounts of stuff that we need to overcome things…the exact amount of strength, energy, wisdom, discernment, gifts, talents, etc. But because we’re stupid and think that it’s never enough, God unleashes a flurry of things for us. Grace. Mercy. Empowerment.
The first drop was all we needed. Every other drop was simply a reminder…you might think you got missed, but here’s another one so you know you’ve been washed clean. And another one. And another one. Forgiven. Forgiven. Forgiven.
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Selfish Sonship
- March 5, 2006 -
(here begins my multi-part series looking over the story of the Prodigal Son. Right now I’ve only got 2 parts in mind, which is more than 1, so it makes it a multi-part. We’ll see where the Lord leads…)
When I left for college 4 years ago, I basically felt like it was my time to escape from the chains that were weighing me down, and I could finally be free on my own. I no longer had my parents time schedule over me, or their rules of where to go, when to go, how to get there, etc. After a year, I opened up my own bank account and transfered all the money that I had made over the past few years. I bought myself a cell phone on my own plan, so no need to be on a family plan with them (although I kept asking to, because that would have made my cell phone bill a whole lot cheaper). I was 18 years old, and so ready to face the world.
But I obviously couldn’t do everything for myself. I mean, tuition is quite expensive. Plus dorm housing the first 2 years and apartment rent really add up. And do you know the prices of books these days? My goodness, some of these books come out to over $1 a page. Whenever I had those expenses, that’s where the connection to my parents came in handy. I tried to make as many personal expenses with my own money, but for the things out of my range, I looked to them, because they were able to, and they were…well…my parents.
The parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-31) begins with a father and his two sons, and the youngest asking for his share in the estate, or his inheritance. Now, from what I know about inheritances and wills, the kids only receive their share once the parent passes away, so it’s basically as if the child said “Father, you are dead to me.” This kid had everything going for him, really. When you read through the passage, you find out that he comes from a rather wealthy family, due to the big celebration, the gifts given, and the many servants they had. He was living the life. But to him, it wasn’t enough. He felt so trapped under the many blessings his father gave him, that he wanted to get away from it all and experience the world.
Well, he didn’t want to get away from all of it. He still wanted his share of the inheritance. Technically, you’re not deserving of a gift of an inheritance, because you really didn’t work for any of it. But simply because you are the child of your father, you get such a great portion. And this son wanted to reap the benefits of being connected to his father, but still live following the choices he wants. And so he took his share, and left to “experience the world.”
Being children of God, He blesses us so much, and has promised us such great gifts. Here on earth as well as an eternal treasure, we are being lavished with more than we deserve. But because of our sinful nature, we desire to live the same life the world is living. We want the best of both worlds…we want to have the gifts God is giving us and eternal salvation, while continuing to be a part of this world. We’ve gotten so accustomed to the blessings of God that we tend to think His care over us is more of “holding us back” than “protecting us from”. God has greater things in mind, and only when we see things clearly through His eyes will we understand that this land is truly not our home, and we have greater things in store for us.
“This life is all the heaven the worldling has, and all the hell the saints ever see.” – D.L. Moody
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Feast or Famine
- March 1, 2006 -
Today is Ash Wednesday, and we all know what that means…MARCH MADNESS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!!!!
I realized that I get thoroughly consumed with college basketball, especially during tournament time. I’ll make like 5-10 brackets, ranging from the way I hope a bracket would turn out, to the way I think the bracket will turn out, to interesting match-ups based on coaching history, etc. And especially the first days of the tournament, I basically have no life outside of the tournament. I’ll skip any class that doesn’t take attendance or any meeting that isn’t necessarily mandatory. And when I do leave the apartment, I leave during a commercial break with the TV on, so that as soon as I walk back into the apartment, I’ll pick up right away. It’s fun, but sad at the same time, I think.
The Ash Wednesday reminds me the madness is because 2 of the past 3 years I’ve restricted myself from things pertaining to the tournament for lent. 2 years ago, I only allowed myself to watch at most 1 hour of a TV a day, which meant I’d have to be very careful with what game I watch because sometimes there were like 8 games on in one day. Plus, some games would go into overtime, and I’d have to stop watching because it’d run longer than 1 hour (those were sad times). Last year, I fasted from 1 meal a day, which wasn’t too difficult for me physically (food is not a weak spot for me). This year, I’m fasting from ESPN.com and cbssportsline.com, so I won’t be able to make any online brackets, nor check/follow scores and stories at all. I “waste” so much of my day browsing articles and re-living games through other people’s perspective. So this should be an interesting time for me.
Many people give up different things during the lenten season. For 40 days, we choose to sacrifice things in our lives that we deem as very important for us to have…but why? To prove we can? To show we have the will power? Please. That seems so pointless. People give up AIM, meat, chocolate, TV, anything that they see themselves spending insanely amounts of time doing. But there are two parts to it. The fast is important, but without a feast, we simply turn into present day Pharisees (Luke 18…Pharisee fasted twice a day, but Jesus said he wasn’t justified before God because he didn’t have the right heart behind his actions).
The purpose of the fasting is to abstain from certain things that we cling to in this world, and to feast on the Lord…use the time to grow closer to Christ. Whenever we feel a desire for the object we are fasting from, we should be using that time to pray and read the Word. When all of our attention is focused on one desire, we need to then fill that void with Jesus, and have all of our focus on Him. You’ll be amazed at what God will teach you. This isn’t simply a 40-day fast until Easter, but a 40-day feast. Get filled.
[I'm still not sure how strongly I am against the feasting from the the objects we are fasting from before and after the 40 days. The feast beforehand (i.e. Fat Tuesday) is simply like a last minute dive into a sinful nature...showing our true desire is for the things we are going to abstain from, and not for the Lord. And after Easter, by feasting again on what we fasted from, we are basically showing that through the 40-days, we were not changed in desiring more of God, but that our desire for what we fasted from simply grew stronger. But we are humans, who have an earthly desire because of our human nature. Just need to fight to redeem it.]
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