Archive for January, 2006

Toy Story
- January 29, 2006 -

Flipping through the channels as I take a break, I stumble upon Toy Story on the Disney channel. Normally the channels I watch are ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNClassic, TBS, TNT, USA, Comedy Central, ABC, NBC…that’s pretty much it. And I never go through Disney, Nick, or anything like that because the shows are just annoying. But when I got to Disney, one of my top ‘kids’ movies was on: Toy Story. I love animated and cartoon films, because they work on so many levels. They are entertaining enough for children to enjoy, yet they can get so powerful that it leaves grown men thinking for years. That’s what Toy Story did to me.
It was near the end of the movie when I started watching. The more I watch the movie, the more I see bits and pieces of how we view the Christian walk, and our relationship with God. I see the character of Andy as being like God, and we all take the role of his toys. At times we’re like Woody…the one that’s been there for so long. We’ve been a Christian for much of our lives, and had been so content with God loving us and such. Then we see people like Buzz show up…they basically can do everything. They get the praises of everyone else because of their talents, and we start to feel so inferior because we can’t do half the things they do. And it seems as though God loves them so much because we see them growing and being blessed and everything, and we start to associate God’s blessing with what those other people are capable of. And we get to thinking of our failures and downfalls so much that we convince ourselves that we have nothing to really offer God. And then we can be like Buzz, where we start doing so much to try to gain the approval of God, and we start to be prideful when we get the praises of men. We realize that everybody’s eyes are on us because we’re so “holy” and are doing so much more than anyone else.
God was trying to remind of something, because it was at my favorite part when I got to the channel. Sid, the next door neighbor, had kidnapped both Woody and Buzz. Woody was trapped underneath a plastic crate, and Buzz was ducktaped to a rocket that Sid was going shoot off in the morning. At this point, Buzz realizes/accepts the fact that he is not an amazing space ranger, but rather a toy like anyone else. He’s very depressed and down on himself, and doesn’t want to do anything or go anywhere, because He feels so useless. They cut to Andy’s house where he’s going to sleep, and he’s asking his mom about both Buzz and Woody because he misses them and doesn’t want to leave without them. And then back to Sid’s room, as Sid slowly falls asleep. And then the greatest conversation of the movie comes:

(Woody whispers to Buzz to help him out, so they can escape back to Andy’s house…)
Buzz: Andy’s house, Sid’s house…what’s the difference?
Woody: Oh, Buzz. You’ve had a big fall. You must not be thinking clearly.
Buzz: No, Woody. For the first time I am thinking clearly. You were right all along. I’m not a space ranger, I’m just a toy, a stupid, little, insignificant toy.
Woody: It’s better than being a space ranger!
Buzz: Yeah, right.
Woody: No, it is. Look. Over in the house there is a kid who thinks you are the greatest, and it’s not because you’re a space ranger, pal. It’s because you are a toy, you are his toy.
Buzz: But why would Andy want me?
Woody: Why would Andy want you?!? Look at you! You’re a Buzz Lightyear. Any other toy would give up its moving parts just to be you! You’ve got wings, you glow in the dark, you talk…your helmet does that…that…that…WHOOOSH thing! You are a cool toy.
(Buzz looks underneath his right foot, and sees, written in permanent marker, “ANDY”)

Wow. That scene gets me everytime (I actually have the audio clip saved on my computer just to listen to and get blessed every now and then). Do you see the connection? You have the good and evil of Andy and Sid. Buzz is so down on himself because he’s not everything that he thought he was, he’s really not the greatest thing in life. Life seems so purposeless to him, that he sees no difference between living with Sid (evil) or going back to Andy (God). He sees no point in trying to get back to Andy, because he has nothing great to offer Andy…there’s no reason he’d want Buzz back. And many times, when I realize how much of a sinner I am, and how stupid I can be, I get in that same mode. I don’t see myself as being “good enough” to get back to God and that God wouldn’t want someone like me. I feel so bland and insignificant.
And then Woody (the long-time Christian) starts to pick his brother up. And he says the most powerful line with “Over in the house there is a kid who thinks you are the greatest, and its not because you’re a space ranger, pal. It’s because you are a toy, you are his toy.” And that’s the message that I need to keep getting drilled in my head. God didn’t say that He loves me because I was capable of so much and I had everything to offer Him. He wanted me because I was His to begin with. He created me, and for simply that reason alone, He desired for me to be with Him. Now that’s love. But then Woody goes off and starts listing off these characteristics about Buzz that makes him special. And we are all so very unique. God has a specific intent for each one of us, and wants to use us in many ways. And every little aspect about us, whether we think its trivial or not, God loves it. We might not see it as anything great or powerful, but God has a big plan in mind where He can get alot accomplished by using what little we have.
The kicker for me, in that scene, is when Buzz looks down at his foot, and sees the name “ANDY” in permanent marker written there. No matter where he went, no matter what he went through, Buzz was always going to be labeled as ANDY’s. That mark was going to be with him until the very end. And whenever we choose to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we get marked with Christ’s name on us. We are officially His. And sometimes we just need to go back to that moment where we first accepted Christ, as Buzz was reminded of Andy first labeling him. THEN we know that we are loved, and we belong to something greater. It is then that we have added strength to escape the filth and danger that we live in and cling to God.
The movie ends with Buzz being able to use what he considered a trivial ability (that he was basically ridiculed for the whole movie for thinking it was anything great) to save the day. Again, it’s not about what we have to offer. God can use any talent, any quirk, whether great or small. The more improbable it seems, the more God loves to use it, because it shows us again and again and again how much we need Him, and how capable we are when we have Him.
I’m so thankful that I’ve been marked by Christ. The talents I once thought were amazing now shine dim when around others, God still chooses to use it for His glory. No matter how many other people can fill my roles that I’ve had throughout my life, God still has other places where He wants to use me. He is never going to forget about me, or look past me. I am always going to be His.

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Overflow… (Part III)
- January 26, 2006 -

still looking still dreaming still asking still lost im searching im wondering im pondering the cost just trying to balance and walk the straight line I fake my way through and act like im fine but im jealous im prideful im stubborn im frail I stumble I tumble I struggle I fail im trapped in this well cant get myself out look up to the light to the heavens I shout I reach out my right and search for a hand anyone anything to get me on land instead I get dirt thrown down from above its discipline training and its all out of love shake it off let it fall and raise up the ground the more I overcome the higher im found if I persevere and rise on the dirt if I take my hits and fight through the hurt in time ill be back and out of the well run into heaven and get out of this hell

…let it flow

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Breathe In, Breathe Out
- January 23, 2006 -

What if I told you that I knew a man who loved oxygen so much that he would just keep inhaling, but never exhaled? He knew of how great oxygen was for him, so he couldn’t get enough of it, and just kept breathing in. Or, there’s this girl that loved plants so much and knew that carbon dioxide helped it grow, so she constantly blew out at the plants, but never inhaled. Such a desire to see the plants blossom that she took everything she had and just kept letting it go. What would you think of those people?
Stupid. That’s what I think. The first guy is an idiot because he’s going to bust a lung if he keeps all that air packed in him. Plus, the cycle of oxygen and carbon dioxide is extremely beneficial to the world around us. And that girl is a moron. I mean, good for her that she longs to see the plants grow, but she can only blow so much before she runs out of it herself. If she doesn’t take a break sooner or later, she’ll have exhausted all the air that she had in her, and would basically become useless for the plant. These people are simply fools.
And then I look at myself and I think…stupid…idiot…moron…fool. I do the exact same thing, in the spiritual sense.
First, we have the man who kept inhaling without letting anything go. Throughout my life I’ve soaked up so much knowledge. God has blessed me so much with so many different resources where I can grow in Him. Pastors, sermons, commentaries…God has been teaching me and training me for 21 years of my life. He’s transformed me so much where I’ve become more able to understand and interpret His Word personally, with clarity, and look deeply at the world around with a kingdom vision. And I get so blessed with how much I know and what God teaches me, and I keep it to myself. If it truly was so good for me, wouldn’t I want to spread it to others? It’s so selfish of me to just sit in my bedroom and bask in the mercy and grace of God while there are so many others who are scratching and clawing around trying to get perspective. Many times, people talk about being ‘trained’ and such. God did not give us training so we can make our way through a special obstacle course where we prove we know how to handle the weapons that we’ve been taught to use. No. There is a real life war going on, and we need to step out of the training field and enter the battle zone. Go out and teach others. But its so safe in the training area that we just want to master our skills in there, and then be content with the knowledge that we received a gold star on that course. When in reality, it’s somewhat meaningless. I don’t care if a person hit every 3-pointer they’ve ever taken in a practice…if they don’t ever play in a game, that skill is useless to me.
At the other end, is that innocent little girl. Sometimes, we desire to give and give and give because we want to help others grow so much. But we forget that we cannot survive if we don’t breathe on our own first. We become the limiting factor in the other person’s growth. If we never add more to our knowledge personally, then we’ll soon run out of our help for the other person. We are basically putting a cap on how much the other person can advance. Again, that’s really not taking the other person into consideration. So many times I try to do many acts of service, and lead bible studies, and preach the gospel…but personally I don’t make time to meet with God one-on-one and keep learning. If I’m the only source that person has for closeness with God, I better keep refilling myself so that I can keep build them up as well. Otherwise, we both will basically become stagnant.
There needs to be a constant balanced cycle. I need to BREATHE IN…daily engross myself in the Word of God and continue to grow closer and gain knowledge and understanding. At the same time, I need to BREATHE OUT…regularly share what the Lord has been putting on my heart and teaching me so that others can grow and build off it. Both actions are very important, but if not done together, it can pose seriously problems.

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10%
- January 22, 2006 -

How often is 10% a good thing? Like, if a person makes 10% of his shots, I can guarantee you that he wouldn’t be the first person I pick for my team (unless he’s like a close relative or something and I feel bad for him). What about the weatherman? I mean, people complain that they keep their jobs by being correct 70% of the time…how would feel if it was only 10%? Or what if you got a 10% on your exam? Let me tell you from experience, it truly is not something you boast about. I’ve heard many people (and been a part of many conversations) questioning the praise for celebrities and athletes who give thousands of dollars to charities when they are making over a hundred million. When you put it in perspective, it really isn’t that much for them to lose.
In most things, I’d be very disappointed in 10%. I be disappointed in receiving 10% of something from someone, or giving something that’s 10%. Except when it comes to the Lord. There, 10% seems like a huge deal.
Take tithing, for instance. For me, its so tough to do, especially because I don’t have a steady income. But even when I do get a paycheck, I always look at what the state took out, what was taken out for social security, and what I have left. Then I think of all the expenses that I have, and I call myself broke (which I am). I told myself things would change once I get myself a steady job with consistent pay and such. I’ve been itemizing my spending over the past 2 years, so I’ve got a good glimpse as to where all my money is going, and what is necessity or priority for me and things like that. And I told myself that when I get that steady pay, I would immediately set aside that 10% off the gross as my tithe. And I got pretty proud of myself.
But when I think about it more closely, why am I priding myself in 10%? That is the bare minimum. It’s supposed to be my offering to God, being thankful for his provision over me, and also to support the church where He’s grown me. And basically, I’m telling God, “Thank you so much for everything. My entire paycheck is because you’ve given me gifts, talents and abilities to work. And thanks for the church where you had fed me spiritually and allowed me to come away with so much everytime. Because you gave me everything, and you are 100% the reason for anything I have to claim my own, I’m going to give you…ummmm…10% of it.” If I truly and thankful, wouldn’t I desire to give more? If I truly trusted that God does provide, wouldn’t it be easy for me to settle on less than 90%?
The thing is, its clear that God isn’t looking at the total amount.

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Reflecting on Athletics
- January 20, 2006 -

I grew up completely consumed in sports my whole life. That was my top priority for anything…playing sports, watching sports, reading about sports, whatever. If there was an option available, I was doing it. It didn’t matter what I was wearing, where I was at, everything turned into an athletic competition. I remember bending a metal hanger into a circle and lodging it above the doorframe to create a basketball hoop (…and the source of how I busted my front teeth). I remember CMTC play practices where we created an odd type of indoor football game where we would take the caps of spray paint cans and use them in the church basement as the football. Those things don’t just go straight, so it takes a lot skill to build up accuracy throwing those…and can honestly say that I’m a pro.
I was never awesome at any one sport, and I quit everything very early. I have a bad tendancy to start off very strong, but I peak very quickly, so I don’t make much progress. That’s basically how it was for every sport. I turned out to be average (able to play competitively and keep up) in basically every sport, but I’ve never really been a true force. It took me 21 years before I even won any sort of tournament, and I have played in quite a bit (special thanks to Purdue folk for inviting me to a volleyball tourney to guarantee me the trophy). But I’ve spent alot of times on the courts, between the white lines, and I’ve learned alot. I’ve also changed alot. I used to be the biggest mouth on the court, trash talking like none other. I still run into people who remember watching me play when I was like 10 years old, and they just remember how much trash I would talk to people. I tamed that down quite a bit now (depending on who I play with…you still need to have some fun at times).
I have heard many people say, when talking about relationships, that to get a good glimpse as to a person’s true character, to watch them in their regular environment. When it’s a one-on-one setting, people try to show-off and be on their best behavior. But watch a girl when she’s talking with her girlfriends, or look at a guy as he’s playing sports…you’ll start to see more of their attitude than you knew before.
But over the years, I’ve noticed things a more deeper level. Because basketball was my true first love, I spent a huge amount of time learning, playing, teaching, watching, and practicing it. And looking back simply at my life in that arena, I can see alot of how I play(ed) reflected my lifestyle.

There are 5 positions on the basketball court:
Point Guard - handles the ball, runs the offense, directs people where to go and gets people the ball to shoot
Shooting Guard – primarily a shooter, simply tries to get open and make a shot…best shooter on the team
Small Forward - a bit of a bigger body, also a shooter, and can handle the ball pretty decently
Power Forward - big body, looks to score inside, muscles people around
Center - biggest guy out there, should not dribble, just get underneath the basket and put it in

That’s a rough idea of how people characterize the positions. And normally when you play, you’re placed depending on your size. I, obviously, started out as a point guard. I would play with people so much older and bigger than me, that I couldn’t really match up physically with any of them. One thing I did have was vision. From whe I was very young, Ive prided myself in my ability to see the court and be able to guess correctly where people are moving to and how defenses are playing and what are players strengths and weaknesses. So that’s what I did for most of my life. I would occasionally shoot from the outside, but I basically set everyone else up, and I loved it. I got to be so good with my handles and I’d get pretty fancy with my passes, but it would work. What I loved the most would be that I wouldn’t really get much credit for it. Because no matter what I did, when all is said and done, all eyes were on the boy that made the shots (…and Sij, you stole my thunder by being the shooter).
And in life? Oh so similar. My desire in everything is to set things up and make sure things get done right, but I don’t attach my name to it. I’ll make sure things are running perfectly, then pass the ball off to someone else who’ll finish it off and get the credit. Occasionally I’ll let myself get some cheers by doing things, but that wasn’t my goal. I didn’t want that attention.
Another thing about my ballin’ skills was that for most of my life I was primarily a 3-point threat. I’d just hang out around the stripe, wait until the ball got swung back to me, and then I’d shoot. If it wasn’t there, I’d find and open guy and let them get it. But I would never drive it in. My high school guys would joke about how I didn’t know how to make a lay-up, because my entire game was dribbling and shooting 3′s. Why didn’t I take it inside, you ask? I feared rejection. Like I told you, I played with guys bigger and stronger than me all the time. And they would show me no mercy. If I tried to even come close to the basket and take a shot, that ball would get knocked right back at my face. So instead of facing it, I played soft. Even on fast breaks, if I felt pressure coming, I’d look to make my patented wrap-around pass (or wrap-around fake, if I was feeling giddy) and let them finish instead of me taking the chance.
And that’s life. Fearing rejection. I won’t go into situations that I feel are basically rejections waiting to happen. I logically think things through, if it ends in ‘that ball is going to be sent right back at you’ then I’ll pass. It carried a huge complex around of not being strong enough or good enough, and I would shy away to the backgrounds in areas that I knew I could excel in. If it takes some courage, then I’d be lacking. I held myself back in so many ways just because I was unsure with how things would play out.
But you know what I noticed over time? The people who are considered the greatest ballers are those who really can do it all: offensively, defensively, inside and out. Guys like Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Isiah Thomas, Kobe Bryant…these guys weren’t one-dimensional players. Growing up they might have been typecasted into one position. But they pushed themselves to master the game as a whole. Jordan was told that he was a good player, but he wasn’t that great of a shooter. What’d he do? Worked on his shot non-stop, and became one of the best clutch shooters of all-time. Magic Johnson came into the NBA as a point guard, known for his court vision and flashy passes. But his rookie year, he played every position in the NBA finals because there was a need – point guard, shooting guard, small forward, power forward, and center. Simply Amazing.
And over time, I turned my desire into becoming more of a well-rounded player. I still like handling the ball and making that special pass, but I have no fear in bringing it in anymore. It took some time, but I just had to get thrown underneath the basket and forced to keep putting up the shots until I learned how to deal with the pressure.
In life? Still not complete yet. I still settle for jump shots because I see the defender underneath. I still have a tendancy to set up the pass to the clutch shooter instead of carrying the burden on my own. I’ve made some progress over time, but I’m not anywhere close to going up strong everytime. But the desire is there. I’m working at it. I’m starting to fight the fear and carry the weight. When the time is short and something needs to be done, I will be the one who takes the ball and simply uses wisdom…looking to pass but ready to shoot. No fear. Just watch. In due time, they’ll be calling me clutch. On the court…and off.

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Growing Up
- January 19, 2006 -

As I continue to get older by age, I realize that in many ways things are different. Looking back even over the past 8 years, I’ve changed so much. When I was younger, and simple ball and string could keep me entertained for about 4 hours, but now I’d get bored of it after about an hour and a half. Things are changing.
Ive noticed alot that my mentality on a lot of things have changed too. The types of situations I allow myself to be in, the thought process I have when watching tv/movies, the conversations I join into…even 2-3 years ago it’d be completely different. For instance, over this past Christmas break, I noticed myself join into conversations dealing with family life, the future of the church, Christian living, etc. At the same time, there was the Patriots vs. Broncos game going on. Any other time I would have quickly left the conversation and watched the game. But recently, I’ve been drawn to these conversations. I love hearing from people who I was “dreaded” talking to. These were those people who I always felt gave the gospel message to every person they saw, in every conversation. But now, it’s just so exciting to hear from them, and share what little I know. It’s amazing to see desires in people that I never noticed, or never gave a chance to.
I also used to look at some preachers and pastors who basically would watch the same movies or shows that I would watch, but they would see some sort of relationship to a picture of God and stuff. And I would think they were crazy. Like, I thought it must be see boring for them not to be able to enjoy a movie without having to think deeply into everything. Again, God started transforming me into that sort of mindset. I start to get very upset or broken about watching things that before I simply let pass. Lyrics and phrases jump out at me as amazing representations of how people act towards God.
I realize that the more I get engulfed in God, the more I see God in the details of everything. And I’m so thankful for that. I’m thankful that I’m not the same person that I was 5 years ago. I’m thankful that I’ve been given grace to notice the changes. I’m simply thankful. I guess it’s all a part of growing up. New values, new understanding, new perspective, new vision. The uncertainty of what lies ahead and getting old is a bit nerve-wrecking, but after realizing the progress made through 21 years, it’s hard to want to settle where I’m at. I might not truly feel ready to grow up, but I truly am thankful.

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Silly Disciples
- January 13, 2006 -

Sometimes I get pretty discouraged with the way I live. I declare and make commitments with God and say I’m going to follow Him here and do all these things there…and then I stumble and fall. I say “I’m going to follow Jesus, no turning back,” and then I keep glancing over my shoulder at the fun the rest of the world is having. I say, “I don’t want to be glorified, You take all the glory, Lord,” and then get a bit disappointed if I don’t get praised for my great services to God. I claim “God is Sovereign and can do the impossible,” and then think “This is so tough, there’s no way I’ll get through this.” But the Lord sure knows how to encourage me through this. He just shows me a bunch of other people who were just as stupid as I was. People that I’d look to as being “elite” followers of Christ. Those silly disciples.
Tax collectors and fishermen. Skilled men in their areas of work, but really didn’t know too much else. They were like 4-year olds when they were around Jesus. He constantly had to repeat things to them, constantly had pull them aside and explain things because He knew they were thoroughly and utterly confused. Remember when Jesus fed the 5000? Story goes that there were these huge crowds listening to Jesus, and they were getting hungry. Jesus asked how much food they had there, and He was told 5 loaves, and 2 fish. Jesus thought to himself “PERFECT”, gave thanks to God, and broke the bread and passed it out. He fed 5000 men (not including women and children), and all were satisfied. The very next chapter (according to Matthew [14/15]), they run into a similar issue. Now, I don’t know the exact time span between chapters, but it couldn’t have been too long. Again Jesus was speaking again to the people, and he saw that they were hungry. The disciples said there is no way they could get enough food to feed all the people. Jesus asked them how much they had, and they said 7 loaves, and a few fish. To the best of my knowledge, a few is more than 1 (technically, I believe its at least 3, because ‘a couple’ would be 2). In the end, we find out they fed 4000 people (not including women and children). So there were less people than a few moments earlier, and they had more food than they had the first time…and they still couldn’t believe. I mean, seriously. It was like a magician saying he’ll can guess your card out of a set of 100, if he gets 5 chances. And immediately after doing it, he then tells you he’ll do it again with a set of 25 cards with 12 chances. He did it the first time, and then he increased his odds and is going to do the same thing. What makes you think the first time was a fluke?
But here’s the kicker. In the very next chapter (Matthew 16), Jesus had to remind them about both miracles because the disciples were being stupid about bread and yeast again.

When they had went across the lake, the disciples forgot to take bread. “Be careful,” Jesus said to them. “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.”

They discussed this among themselves and said, “It is because we didn’t bring any bread.”

Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking abong yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember he five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? Or the seven loves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?How is it that you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about read. But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and the Sadducees.” Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teachings of the Pharisees and Saduccees.

Am I the only one thoroughly entertained by all of this? Starting in chapter 13, Matthew records the telling of about 7 parables, with one of them specifically stating that “the kingdom of God is like yeast…” Then Jesus showed them through that He can do amazing things with very little, that it doesn’t matter how much bread you had, because He can still make enough to satisfy. First off, these disciples forget the bread. Can you imagine these 12 guys yelling at each other as to who’s responsibility it was to bring the bread? Thomas saying he told Matthew to bring it, Matthew blaming James, James saying it was right by Judas, etc. I mean, Jesus is probably going to get pretty upset, right? Like shout out, “Who’s the fool that forgot to bring the bread” and then make a public mockery of them. I think it was also a feeling of letting Jesus down, and the disciples were pretty embarrassed. Then, Jesus tries to teach them. He gives them a warning about the teachings of the Pharisees, and how they need to be careful with what they hear. Pharisees were known as “teachers of the law,” so I’m sure it was pretty much second nature to believe whatever they said as being true. But here, Jesus is giving them some important knowledge that they need to be on guard, because those Pharisees and Sadducees don’t truly understand the truth. But the disciples were so caught up in themselves and their forgetfulness and stuff that they just thought Jesus was rebuking them about bread. Jesus must have flipped out when He heard that. I mean, He’s giving them words to live by, and they are so off with their interpretation. I feel like Jesus’ speech was like Allen Iverson’s rant about practice:

Except everywhere you see “practice” Jesus said “bread”. And “the game” could be “life”, and “franchise player” can be “Son of God” (I’d rewrite the whole thing, but this post is getting large). The best part is that at the end, Jesus repeats the same thing he said from the beginning…”be on your gaurd against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” He didn’t re-phrase it, He didn’t explain it, He didn’t break it down for them in a simpler way. All he did was refocus them on His purpose and capabilities, and then just said it again. And then the disciples understood. It’s not that they weren’t able to understand, it’s just that they weren’t thinking straight.
I see the disciples as being so stupid, so many times. But I am just like them. I experience the goodness of grace of God, and in the exact scenario at a later time, I question whether God can overcome it again. I just don’t truly realize how powerful God is. And then, God tries to teach me things, and I am so focused on my own problems, my own issues, my own mistakes, that I don’t truly get the point He’s trying to make. I become totally consumed with my life that I don’t see His. only when I’m able to take my eyes off myself and stare straight at God do I really hear what He’s saying. Praise God He shows the same patience (if not more) with me as He did with those silly disciples. Praise God.

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Joshua and Caleb
- January 12, 2006 -

Everyday we are challenged in our faith. We are told to forget the promise of eternity and simply indulge in life now. Things that were taboo when I was younger and are given now. Society has pushed the line so far its just sick. We’ve grown to accept the pain and suffering and disgusting lifestyle as being normal, and have started to receive “pleasure” from it. One of the biggest things I’ve heard that held people from committing to Chirst is they didn’t want to let go of the life they were leading. They know they’ve got something greater in store, but they’ve learned to love what they had. It’s a sad thought. But I see myself doing that in the battles along the way. Instead of fighting for ultimate gratification, I desire not to fight and live with the temporary satisfaction.
God led the Israelites out of Egypt and told them he was going to take them to a land “flowing with milk and honey.” Such a beautiful picture for these people who were oppressed in Egypt. Leaving the pain and torture and going to a life of freedom. Sure, there were some perks in Egypt, if you can call it that. They were at least being fed there. And that always gave them something to look back to. They desired the end result right away. God made them walk, and they did not like that idea. They were hungry, and they complained. They were tired, and they complained. Whenever they didn’t get what they wanted, they complained. And God Provided. And then they were thankful for a few minutes, before complaining some more.
Then God called together 12 of the leaders of Israel, one from each of the tribes. He told them to go check out the land that He promised them, and see if it’s any good. They scanned the land for 40 days, and came back home. The place was amazing…everything they could have ever wanted. Amazing growth of plants and fruit, a beautiful place to live. But there is one problem…in order to get into that place, they are going to have to fight a rather large army. And that struck fear in them. They are such a small people, there is no way they would be able to overcome and claim that land as their own. It just doesn’t work out. But then you get these two “naive” guys, Caleb and Joshua, who went into the land to explore it with the others. They saw everything the other leaders saw. The saw the land flowing with milk and honey, and they saw the people they would have to overcome. And they said “Let’s do it.” Too bad they nobody else believed them, and lies spread that the land could not be overcome and such. And when you report such bad news to a bunch of complaining people, you’re really only going to get more complaining.
The people cried out against Moses and Aaron and God. Again, they looked back at Egypt as if they were living in luxury, claiming that it was better than what God is providing. But Caleb and Joshua cried out to everyone, “These people can be overcome because we have God on our side. The Lord isn’t with them, but with us. WE have the power.” Ummm…yeah. That didn’t really convince the Israelites too much. It just led to more complaints against God. So what did God do? He basically denied them entrance into the land. These people complained and argued and longed to live elsewhere, so God let them have what they wanted. For the 40 days that the leaders explored the land, God made them all wander around in the desert for 40 years…and the leaders who did get a glimpse of Canaan but refused to go in died in the desert. Everyone except Joshua and Caleb. The two who trusted, the two with faith. The two who desired to follow whole-heartedly to the plan that God had.
Joshua and Caleb saw the world through the same eyes that the other leaders did. They saw the goodness that God was leading them to, and they saw the obstacles they had to overcome. The only difference was they were willing to except the fact that although they don’t understand, God does. They saw the glimpses of God’s grace and provision, and trusted that it wasn’t all He had to offer. They feared the Lord more than they feared man, and were blessed because of it.
Many times the numbers seem against us. Many times the journey into perfection seems so hard that living in imperfection seems bearable. Because we can’t grasp how (1 + Jesus) is strong enough to overcome any power, we simply turn away. We’ve been given glimpses of eternity. God’s described it to us, and promised it to us. He said, “Here it is. Follow me and I’ll lead you through it all.” We’ve seen moments of His power helping us overcome smaller battles, but for some reason we still don’t believe He’s strong enough to overcome the big ones. It’s because as the struggles get bigger, our eyes start to focus on ourselves and not on God…and obviously it’s impossible then.
Every generation is getting worse and worse. The issues I dealt with in college are challenging the kids in high school. The culture is becoming more accepting of sinful lifestyles, and are promoting it as fun and exciting. As more and more youngn’s are coming in that I know, it’s starting to really tear at my heart. What kind of stuff are Alexis, Jaden, Isabelle, Elijah, Josiah, Nathan and all the others going to be hit with? What kind of world are we bringing them into? I pray that they will be able to go out and trust in God’s provision. I pray that they will be brought up seeing glimpses of God’s grace and mercy, and understand its only the beginning. I pray that they will influence the culture instead of being influenced by it.
I want my kids to be the “Joshua and Caleb” of their generation. Shoot…I want to be the “Joshua and Caleb” of my generation.

God promised us this eternal life with Him in heaven if we simply confess and believe (…and we follow His commands through the overflow of thankfulness). He painted such an amazing picture of that life. It’s simply a dream come true. No worries, no pain, no struggles, no fear, no anger, no hatred, no jealousy, no racism, no lies, no stereotypes. Just pure joy. What’s the catch?
I mean, seriously. Can there really be a life like that? I mean, wouldn’t you be at least a little
jealous of the person who is one step closer to the throne of God than you are? Isn’t it only natural that there would be “heavenly cliques” forming because of just so many people. Won’t there be some sadness in knowing that some of our friends/family aren’t in heaven with us?
According to God, no. We might not understand it, but God said its possible. And we won’t be able to comprehend it because that goes completely against how our minds work. We are sinful beings with selfish desires, and therefore we have evil/selfish motives that cause anger, jealousy, etc. But in heaven,
we’re redeemed and renewed, the old self is gone and we are completely washed clean of our sinful nature.
It’s so hard to follow though, when we have the picture of such greatness, and we are forced to walk the road of such meekness. The end result seems great, but the route to get there seems a
bit overwhelming. We see glimpses of grace and God’s power along the way, but is it truly enough? Is Christ’s death truly enough for us to get into heaven and live in “perfection”?

Plain and simple – YES.

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Overflow… (Part II)
- January 12, 2006 -

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Christmas Gifts
- January 11, 2006 -

As I still have another gift to make and give, it got me thinking…

Regardless of your age, race or religious affiliation, its become standard for everyone to give and receive gifts at Christmas time. It’s a time for people to indulge on themselves and indulge on other people. Some kids may make wish lists, groups of friends might do a Secret Santa, bosses might give holiday bonuses to their employees. Such a great time of peace, joy, love and harmony.
All gifts have a different meaning. There are those gifts that are simply amazing, what “you’ve always wanted” (and you got it because you dropped hints about it every hour on the hour for the previous month and a half). From your boyfriends/girlfriends, you might get the gift that makes your heart just melt (possibly because of the giver, not necessarily the gift). From mere acquaintances, you’ll get the simple gifts, such as candy canes. We can’t forget the gifts from the people who don’t know you but are forced to give you something…like those distant relatives. Those are the gifts that before you even open it all the way, you start to re-wrap it and think about who to re-gift it to. And then there is your family. Majority of the time, they give you not necessarily what you want, but probably what you need. Like, seriously, I might be running low on socks, but is Christmas really the best time to get me some? But I can’t really complain, since my sister has been clothing me for the past 21 years, and she knows what I need. At times though, it can be a bit insulting. Like…a toothbrush, deodorant, membership to a gym – what are you trying to say? I mean, God bless them for being thoughtful, but somethings are just a bit blunt.
Throughout my life, I’ve had my share of all those types of gifts (except the boyfriend/girlfriend one, obviously). But only recently did I realize the most insulting gift ever. I mean, it took a huge shot at my pride, at my reputation, at my character. It basically made me feel completely worthless when I received it. You see, what happened was God gave me Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ? Insulting? What does that mean? In case you didn’t know, God is one of those people that know everything about you. He knows your “strengths” and He knows your weaknesses. He knows where you’ve been and where you’re going, and how you’re planning on getting there. Every aspect of your life, even the things you don’t truly understand, God knows and has the perfect explanation for it. And so God looked down and was thinking of giving me a gift. And He thought “He doesn’t need a car, or a camera, a wife, a job. In due time he might get that for himself, or someone else might get it for him. My desire is that he spends eternity with me, and from what I see, he is completely incapable of attaining that on his own merit. No matter what he does, it’s not good enough…above everything else, he is simply a sinner. SO, I will give him the perfect gift for his needs. I’ll give him my Son, Jesus Christ. No matter what he does, it just isn’t that great. What he needs is a Savior, because Lord knows he can’t save himself.”
WOW. How insulting is that? God told me I wasn’t good enough. He told me no matter what I try to do, it won’t buy my way into heaven. It doesn’t matter if I read the bible everyday, pray morning and night, give the gospel message to 3 people a week, tithe my 10%, donate to the poor, or any other good deed. It doesn’t matter if I live a good life. It will never be “good enough.” But praise God that I at least have another option.
God looks down from above and sees people who He desires to spend enternity. He desires to have us in His presence. But He knows that it just isn’t possible, because He is so holy, and we are such sinners. But because He cares more about our souls than our pride, He insulted us. Born in a manger, died on the cross. And only because of that can any of us claim to be saved.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans6:23

“For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.”
1Thessalonians5:9-10

“That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”
Romans10:9-10

It’s a gift. A rare type that we can “re-gift” it to others while still keeping it for ourselves. It’s not something we can earn (but rather our ‘good deeds’ come as a response). It’s simply grace. I’m so thankful that God loves me enough to insult me with His Son.

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Free From Persecution?
- January 10, 2006 -

Laws are being passed to ban conversion in Sri Lanka. Islamist extremists in Nigeria make vows that “not one Christian will survive.” Vietnamese authorities finally release a 22-year old teacher after beating, abusing and torturing her until she had a mental breakdown (she was classified as a political prisoner, when she simply was teaching children Bible stories). Militants in Pakistan kidnap a pastor, claiming they will kill Christians unless the US pull troops out.

And we sit in our comfortables houses, in front of our nice computers, with none of these worries whatsoever. The church and Christians on the other side of the world are being persecuted, and we need to pray for them. We are so blessed to be living in the US. We can freely walk into a church basically any day of the week. College campuses pack their auditoriums for nights of worship throughout the school year. We can open up the bible and read God’s word in our bedrooms, in a coffeeshop, on a park bench, or any other place we can find. Praise God we don’t have to face persecution here, right?
PLEASE. That is the worst mentality to have. Satan is attacking Christians in any way possible, doing whatever he can to pull people away from growing closer to Christ. And around the world, he is using physical persecution. He is shutting down churches, murdering the innocent, banning the reading of the Word. People are seeking underground churches, secretly passing around pages of the Bible to so that people have a chance to read. But here in the US, we don’t face that type of attack. Ours is more subtle, but is making a big impact. The church in the US is being hit hard by ‘culture’, and ‘the entertainment industry.’
Think. What is it that keeps us from praying, worshiping, and reading the Word? It’s not a militant with a gun to our head, it’s not fear of being heard, it’s not a lack of resources. We have about 4 bibles scattered throughout our houses, and how many of us can say that we’ve read it all the way through, even once? How are we to claim we believe in the Word of God as being true and the basis of our faith, and not even know what it has to say? Satan is clearly winning this battle.
In our tech-savvy world, we have so many things pulling our attention away from God. IPods, computers, TVs, DVDs, video games…our desire to chase after God is quickly covered by the ease of living in this culture. We choose chatting online over talking to God, we choose mindlessly browsing the internet over staring deeply into the Word. And the biggest issue is that we don’t recognize the problem. We stick ourselves in front of a TV or computer for hours on end, and don’t see the value in building relationships and spreading the gospel to those who just don’t know. Our voices are being silenced in this world, and we are accepting it as being the way things are.
I truly believe that majority of us would die for the sake of Christ. If we were sent out to the mission field, we’d be preparing ourselves for the persecution, trusting that God is in control, seeking Him out for strength. And so when we don’t put ourselves in that scenario, why would Satan use such an ovious ploy to attack? No, instead we are simply told follow the comfort and ease of living along with everyone else. We are simply choosing to let persecution win the internal battle, until we feel the external struggles.

“The greatest enemy to the US church is the entertainment industry…our spiritual lives are left to compete with our general leisures.”

We are going to continue to be attacked in these subtle ways until we start to overcome. The first step is recognizing the issue. We are in a war, no matter where we are at. And the attacks are unique to our own situation. It is a dangerous lifestyle to follow Jesus, regardless of where you are from. The closer you chase and cling to Christ, the harder Satan will try to pull you away. So if you aren’t feeling the struggle, who do you think is winning? Wake up and fight.

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One In Love 2006
- January 9, 2006 -

Don’t ask the Lord for things you’re not ready to receive. He is faithful even when you don’t really want Him to be.
Too much information to stuff into a blog of sorts. But God is good. Everyday was just a constant reminder of the grace of Christ through the cross, and added desire to trust. I said “Lord, show me what you want me to see”, and He said “Here.” Overload.
Officially, I think I just wanted to go and experience OIL. See what the big hoopla was about, get my praise on, chill with random people, and leave. But no. God gave me what I asked. Nothing easy about this trip. I mean, first time at OIL, and I get placed in a room with 4 pastors (or pastors in training)…one from UIC, one from Maryland, one from Pennsylvania, and one from San Jose. And then there’s me. Did someone accidentally tell them that I was in seminary or something (…which I obviously am not). But my goodness, it was simply amazing to sit in their presence and just listen and learn. After mornings/afternoons of challenging and convicting messages, I was blessed to return to my room at night and get bonus teaching. God is good.
Since I didn’t have all of India there this time, I was able to go out and meet people from all over. Blessed by blessings, blessed to be a blessing. Such encouragement to see God working, to hear people’s stories, to share of God’s faithfulness.
Worship and Prayer – too much to say about it. Still speechless. Still in awe.

Lost in wonder…the future is secure, it’s simply the journey where I have uncertainties. But God is good.

And I know my God saved the day
and I know His Word never fails
and I know my God made a way for me (it’s gonna be alright)
Salvation is here.

If you want to know, simply ask.

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Overflow…
- January 9, 2006 -

…just let it flow.

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