He made dancing fun for me…
It was one year ago – though there has been healing, there is always pain. And I question what to write, what to share, what to post…so many different directions and angles my heart feels like taking this, but not knowing which one is ‘best’. Words will not do justice, and might only make me more restless, or bitter, or something (praise God for the delete key and delayed postings).
I remember December 2006. At our church’s regional conference, Binil asked if he could talk to me, so we found some time to meet up separately between things to talk. It was a question i knew was coming – ‘Are you willing to serve in leadership with CPT?’ CPT was the Creative Presentations Team at our church, which I was a part of way back in the day (mid-90’s), putting on skits and presentations for different events. It transformed greatly over time, and was something that Binil invested so much of his time and effort in. Over the winter, though, many of the leaders were being called to different ministries and stretched too thin, and they were lacking people to take charge. I’d always loved serving in it, and that type of ministry is a ‘fun’ passion for me, but we both knew that I had already accepted the role as VP of our youth fellowship, and it just wouldn’t be right for me to take on more at the moment.
The one thing I always seem to share of him is his passion, and it came out here again. He got into talking about his vision for the ministry, his heart for the people involved, his feelings on the leadership. He was a visionary and a dreamer. He looked at the Kingdom before looking at the situation at hand, and I still don’t know how he did it.
Looking back on the year, many things have changed in my life, and I’ve grown a lot. But these are stakes in history to remind me of different areas where I still lack. I praise God for a relationship that is continuing to push me to not be limited by the practicality of this world’s abilities, and to be a dreamer, to have a vision. And moments like these remind me of what a full life consists of.
His time came at the right time.
But I say that with a mental understanding of God’s control more than a heart-filled conviction that he shouldn’t have been with us longer.
I hear him challenge us with a reflection of his own life:
“In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.”
…and continuing to say…
“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
Do your best to come to me quickly…”